Have you ever had a moment when you suddenly knew something about yourself?

I had one a few months ago. I was attending a conference, listening to a person give a lecture on a fascinating topic, and suddenly I thought, "I want to do what she's doing."

This was not a new thought. I've been drawn to teaching ever since I presented my first fake lesson plan in college, preparing to be an elementary school teacher. Since then I've had several moments of calling, some of them kinda spooky in a message-from-God kind of way. My first big speaking event was a weekend in 1993 when I gave a sermon to 6000 people, spread out over 3 services. I was terrified and thrilled at the same time.

In 1999 I gave exactly 52 consecutive sermons, serving as the interim pastor of my church.

I've been out of the sermon-giving business for several years, so I was a bit surprised to feel the old familiar call in a purely secular context.

I love to teach. I love conversation. And I love human behavior, so I decided to combine my loves into a series of talks. Not scholarly lectures, more like interactive conversations.

Through my 25+ years of experience as a counselor, life coach, and spiritual mentor, I’ve been a keen observer of the human condition, my own included! I’m fascinated by what makes people tick, and I’m driven to discover ways that make our lives work. I have a few tricks up my sleeve.

Such as:

Rewire Your Brain in 90 Days.

Relational Economics for Codependents.

How to Handle Your Inner Critic.

Practicing Self-compassion

Finding Your Essential Self

Overcoming Crazy Brain

Learning to Show Up

and oh, so many more. If you're in the Denver area on the first Saturday of any month, I'd love to have you join me for a little breakfast and conversation.

Our First Topic: Rewire Your Brain in 90 Days

To me, the most fascinating thing about being human is our capacity to reflect. We can split ourselves into sub-selves, we can stand apart from ourselves, observe ourselves in action, and make judgments about ourselves. Based on those judgments we can modify how we show up in the world.

It's astounding, really, when you think about it. No other creature in the world can do this.

What a gift. If only we knew how to use it.

Instead of using this amazing ability to establish inner peace and harmony, most of us end up at war with ourselves in some way. We spend decades torturing ourselves for being less than...less than beautiful, less than strong, less than brilliant, less than talented. Our minds become, as Anne Lamott says, bad neighborhoods - you don't want to go in there alone. Instead of wholeness and peace, we experience self-loathing, fear, and desperation.

No wonder we want to bolt. We can't stand to be in ourselves, because we don't know how to be with ourselves. That makes it kind of hard to "just be yourself."

Somehow, in our relentless pursuit of self-improvement, we've missed an essential ingredient, the thing that makes it possible for the self to come into harmony - self-compassion.

The ability to be with ourselves in an attitude of kindness.

How did we miss this?

Today I'd like to think about how our lives would be different if we could learn to be with ourselves in compassion and kindness, instead of criticism and contempt. How we could use our capacity for reflection to inject acceptance instead of dissatisfaction.

In order to be ourselves, we need to be able to tolerate being in ourselves with acceptance, and with ourselves with compassion.

Who knew it could be so hard just to be a self?

The Phyllis Mathis School of Life

Being With Yourself